What do I want to be when I grow up?

"Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?" - Fleetwood Mac

Long ago a wise, older woman once told me "Life is all about stages". I was at a moment in my life where I felt stuck in my career and was complaining about the expectations of my corporate workplace setting formal development goals. "I'm only a secretary! Why should I need goals?" I exclaimed to my friends while she eavesdropped. She chimed in "If that's how you think of yourself, that's all you'll ever be." I will never forget her words, it was one of those conversations that sticks with you forever, and every time I find myself self limiting, I hear those words in my mind.

Fast forward years later and I find myself stuck again, deep in a very different stage of my life. I have come a long way from the young woman I was. I've gone through illness, death, birth, divorce, financial ruin and come out on the other side stronger and happier. Now I am a mother, and have built a successful and demanding career in tech. But then with the pressures of being a single working parent, in a high stress career, and the myriad of obligations and stressors of being a middle aged woman have made me grow restless. I have been longing for a different way of life. What is the next stage for me?

Already a plan had been formulating in my mind. What do I love to do? My favorite activities are those that give me that precious sense of "flow"...where all thoughts drain away and I am in the moment. Yoga, gardening, canning, piecing together a quilt. Dabbling in a variety of domestic hippie hobbies. Sitting under the moon and trees by a campfire, with a sage bundle burning. Drinking a cup of tea, with a good book in hand and a candle glowing. My vision is simple...turn the things I love into my work, and share those things with others. "Retire" to our forest homestead and completely immerse myself in my new path. My partner jokes that when we are old mountain folks he will be a deacon at the catholic church and I'll be the local witch. Sounds good to me.

The arrival of a global pandemic has given me a sense of urgency and pushed my dream to the front of my mind. Funny...it seems just yesterday I was a 20-something secretary wondering what is next, and now the stage I am pondering is a retirement career. How short life is! I cannot afford to wait any longer and I need a distraction from the world around me. I start now. I can see my future.